~Taken by the Wind~

(A Journey of a Leap of Faith)

Fruits of the Spirit | Using Your Gifts for Good

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My over active throat chakra is a long running joke. It all started about five years ago when I was discussing chakras with a friend and she thought we should take a test to find out which ones were our strongest. To the surprise of none of my friends, my throat chakra was over-active (50% is what you aim for. Mine was 97%).  My ability to think on my feet and then verbally eviscerate someone was long known by my friends. Whether it was being dubbed ‘Little Red’ (for both my hair and my attitude) or, as one of my best friends said once in response to a story I told, “Deirdre, you can light up a room or set it on fire”, having a sassy lip was a defining characteristic.

Lord help you if my over-active throat chakra got a hold of you.

I carried this around with a certain amount of pride. I know/knew I was more than capable of going for the jugular without much warning. Going for it and ripping it out. Sure, part of that reflex was due to the environment of the city I lived in but perhaps part of it was this is what I was ‘known’ for. I have always said I have been blessed with the gift to think and verbally respond quickly.  But how quick is too quick? How much of how I was responding worth being known for? What good was I doing with this gift? Was I using this gift for good?

I do believe it was a gift. Everyone has one. Sometimes the quickness of tongue was due to my ability to discern or see a situation quickly and process it and react quickly. It kept me safe in NYC and lent itself to my advocacy work. This was what its purpose was.

Then suddenly it went away. I think it was gradual – it began with a shift of how I reacted on the subway to things. I would find myself weak kneed at the sight of interaction – more shaken than when I used to have those altercations myself. I knew while I was good at arguing and besting someone, my distaste for having to behave like that was growing.  When I moved to Thailand, a country where I didn’t speak the language, my ability to even talk in the right language was removed in the beginning.  Then I moved to a state where it reminded me of “Leave it To Beaver”.

Oklahoma is wholesome and polite and “yes ma’am, no sir” just slide off the tongue.  Little by little, I felt myself ease into a new unexplored aspect of my personality, one that could relax and it was a place where I could expect common sense and manners to be a consideration given in how I was treated and how I began to automatically interact with people; the good old “do unto others as you would have others do unto you,”.  I felt my old ways leave me.

That was good, right?

Maybe not.

There have been instances over the past two years where I didn’t react the way I would have anticipated. Instances where I felt like my ability to speak up and say exactly what needed to be said and thus, myself, was compromised. It left me feeling out of sync and off kilter.

It’s not good to feel you have lost a gift. To me, it means it was taken away or repressed until I was in a better place to use it. Was I still not there?  What did I need to address in my life to get this back?

So I’ve a new focus: to use these gifts for good and for demonstrating the fruits of the spirit. I’m giving myself permission to reactivate those pieces of myself (*clears throat*) and not be fearful it would take me back to that unhealthy place.  Instead, let me speak quickly but do so with self control even in the face of great opposition, let me react instantly but do so with for the advocacy of others and, most importantly, let me remember to be patient and loving to myself and everyone around me.

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This entry was posted on February 3, 2015 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .
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