To Forgive

First posted on Spring- Inspiration in Bloom.

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“Do unto others

As you would have others do unto you.”

I am not sure how it is for other people but, for me, forgiveness is a constant state of being I try to work towards and be. And, if I am honest, I often don’t find it easy. Giving someone else the benefit of the doubt can be the most challenging choice. And choosing to forgive someone who does not return the consideration is sometimes the most difficult.

My dad always said harboring resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to suffer. Before I left Corporate America I referred to myself as “Angry Storm Cloud Deirdre”. I was the ugliest version of myself. I hated what I was doing, hated how I was spoken to, hated that I had to do that work to afford to live in a city I loved. So I stopped caring. I took things personally. I was judgmental of those did who did take it seriously. I resented those around me. I was not patient. I was not always kind. I focused on how unsatisfied I was. But that anger and unhappiness only corroded my own heart. No one else. Instead of forgiving myself for having to make that choice, forgiving others for valuing something I found pointless and keeping an eye on the bigger picture, I kept anger as my main focus. And I’ve learned- anger puts forth in the world nothing but more anger and barren rocky ground, difficult to negotiate. Forgiveness puts forth a fertile soil for kindness, relationships, maturity and generosity to grow in.

My choice to give up the frustrations and to move to Thailand working with The SOLD Project created space to look into what grudges and grievances I held on to. In light of the distilled beauty and purity of life there, I saw what a fruitless weight I’d been carrying around. Those resentments took up valuable real estate in my mind and in my heart and took up a considerable amount of energy. Energy better spent in another way. Keeping the focus of my heart positive makes me a happier and kinder person to those around me.

New York did not teach me how to forgive but it taught me how to be wise with my heart, what I am made of and to take care of myself. Thailand has taught me how to have faith in love, the rest of what I am made of and, with forgiveness, you can keep your eyes and your heart on the bigger picture and achieve it. This leap of faith will grow, thrive and continue to live in me by forgiving those who have hurt me, disappointed me or misjudged me. Because holding onto to how they hurt me, only hurts me.

If you are unhappy with your life, you have the right, the wisdom and the power to change it. There is nothing to be gained for yourself, or for those around you, by remaining entrenched anger or frustration and past grievances. Unhappiness wraps its’ tentacles around your heart, shutting it off, and keeps your focus inward. A clear mind and calm heart allows things to happen and for you to look outward to see beauty and possibility waiting. And that change of view creates opportunities for everyone. Focusing on the negative does not leave room to give to your life or give with your life.

Forgiveness is the truest form of generosity.

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